Happy New Year To You!

I Am Running into a New Year
by Lucille Clifton


i am running into a new year
and the old years blow back
like a wind
that i catch in my hair
like strong fingers like
all my old promises and
it will be hard to let go
of what i said to myself
about myself
when i was sixteen and
twenty-six and thirty-six
even thirty-six but
i am running into a new year
and i beg what i love and
i leave to forgive me

Happy 35th Birthday Laini! / Whereever You Are Is The Entry Point

(Since today is Laini's 35th birthday I am reposting one of my very first posts- my 3rd or 4th I think!- to celebrate one of my very favorite people on the planet!) This is my best friend, Laini Taylor, and this is her working on her book in her writing / kitchen nook. For many, many mornings she has gotten up at the crack of dawn, winded her way down her windy staircase, crept dozily into her kitchen, turned on the coffeepot, sat down at her kitchen table, opened up her laptop, and spent the wee morning hours writing away! She sits here and writes whether or not shes in the mood. When I think of Laini, I think of Maira Kalman's Max, the poet dog, describing his best friend, Bruno: "Some people say. "That Bruno is crazy." But Bruno is no crybaby. He just keeps working on the ideas in his head." This week, she will finish the second draft of her first novel ! (to be released by Putman spring 2007!)

Laini is a collector of cake stands, tablecloths, books, dishtowels, and puppets. She lives in a bright yellow house with a bright red front door. She's one of the most driven people I have ever personally known and shes gone after what she loves like a straight arrow. She had no back-up plan. Her approach to life reminds me of advice Robert Henri gave : "Use the ability you already have, and use it, and use it, and make it develop itself." Laini also happens to be a wizard blueberry cobbler and bananabread baker, made more than thirty different types of cookies this past holiday season (too many of which were rapidly deposited into my tummy), and she also happens to have an extraordinary husband named Jim DiBartolo, who is himself an amazing painter and writer. They co-created a book together, novel">The Drowned , which you can buy on Amazon! Laini loves life like no one I have ever known and doesn't even know how her spirit and outlook on life can be stronger than beams of sunshine on a dark, dark day. When I was going through my divorce and subsequent house burglary, her and Jim took me in for a full week! Every night I came home to an amazing meal, watched mindless fun television beside them, and just knew that somehow all would be okay again because I had friends like them.

Ok, I think I'm getting a bit sidetracked! The reason I chose these two things together- Laini's photo at her writing nook and "Whereever you are is the entry point"- a line from a poem I love by poet, Kabir- is because the first image inspires me, and the second, this post title, comforts me. Together, they form a joint beam of sorts that lights my way forth. When you have a friend like Laini, its easy to compare oneself and to start asking self-critical questions. Why aren't I writing more? Is talent something reserved for the blessed few? Why have I put up so many seemingly unnecessary obstacles between my most cherished dreams and myself? Is it too late to jump in and truly bloom? Of course it isn't! Do the rose and the hydrangea really need to compare themselves? No! Instead, each does what it came here to do- to unfold, to persevere against the elements, and ultimately, to bloom, and before you know it, each is a magnificent expression of itself for all the glorious world to witness! And it seems very clear to me that each of us must do the same.

Now I'm writing the rest of this on December 22, my tummy recovering from birthday party waves of appetizers, glitter that won't come off my face and neck (and I have to go to work soon! eek!), and wonderful new memories-photos to follow shortly in the next couple days before I head to Los Angeles!). I am also feeling such gratitude that Darlene's son, Mark, seems to have taken a significant turn for the better. Its such a brutal reminder of how fragile we and all we love are, and how important it is to remember that this holiday season and really enjoy them with our full hearts present.

Has anyone else read anything recently about the group of friends being called "The San Francisco Compactors?" If not, you can read more about them here . They are a group of a dozen or so friends who agreed to essentially buy nothing new for an entire year. There were exceptions, of course, for bare necessities like toothbrushes, shampoo, food, and floss. (I'm not sure they really had to buy shampoo new! Afterall, when I lived in the Negev desert in Israel, the nomadic Beduoin Arabs use to use camel urine to wash their hair.) But then there were other things which were not allowed, such as bed sheets. If they wanted a pair of new sheets, they had to find a used or recycled set. That could get a teensy bit gross and yet, I think what they are doing is so great, so admirable, and important. One of the more interesting things I read about the group was how angry some people get with what they are doing, calling them "un-American" for not buying more and more stuff! They use hand me down crockpots, used shoes, libraries, and scour swap meets and sites like Craigslist to find what they need. The group only committed to one year but feel it went so well that they are going to do it again!

From the perspective that we do tend to have so much more than we need, I think it is truly a really inspiring reality check and gift to our exponentially growing landfills. As I look around my new place, its pretty clear to me it is filled with far more items of desire than actual need. This year I feel inspired to slow down again, to stay out of tempting shops, enjoy what I have, and step off the consumer treadmill. Throughout my twenties, I loved that I could fit everything I owned into a small car! I'm not ready to go back to that but I am ready to spend more consciously again, more wisely, more charitably. The only thing that I am recently learning to live without personally is television! I get no reception in my gigantic apartment building without cable and being on a tight budget at the moment, I decided to forego that luxury. (Thus, that is why you are seeing a large and sudden spike in how many pointless and silly posts I am posting!) I would like to form a local Compactors group if I could choose who was in it! I would be very, very strategic. First onboard would be Laini and Jim . Then!, once the group was firmly underway, I would casually mention that I was in dire need of a new armoire and daybed from Bali. (see photos on right) Next! I would manipulate the group into forcing Laini and Jim to "recycle" the luscious Mexican armoire in their living room- and the daybed too- and handing them both over to me immediately! Then I would develop a sudden, certifiable need for a Chiwawa (I know that spelling isn't right somewhere!). Thats where member, Heather, would come in to the story. My dear friend, Heather, has a little one named Chavdar who lives with her in Chicago. (You can see him in his Christmas antlers on her site.) Chavdar is dying to come live with me. He mails me postcards begging me to come rescue his four legged paw self. You should go to Heather's site and leave her a comment begging her to free him.

And yes, in case you were wondering, the Compactors did elect that toilet paper could be considered a "bare necessity!" (Of course, maybe they just said that because with all the national coverage they are getting maybe they didn't want people to say "Ewwwww! There are those weirdos that never use toilet paper!" every time they pass people on the street!)

ZAP!

I never would have thought that at the ripe old age of 34 I would find myself living in an independent living facility for the elderly -and loving it! Maybe my apartment buildling isn't really an independent living center but really I am not so sure. Last night sipping on punch and nibbling finger sandwiches at my building's annual holiday party, it really felt like I was at someone's 125th birthday party and I was the only granddaughter. Make that the only great granddaughter. Last weekend as Laini and I left my building, we noticed a very old lady with fire engine red lipstck slumped over in her wheelchair but still managing to keep her feisty lips tightly wound around one of the longest cigarettes I have ever seen. It was a postcard moment, but alas, neither of us had a camera. I have kept telling myself, "Theres lots of young people in the building! Yes, theres one now!" but really, that is only happening about one out of every five thousand times. Elevator opens. I squish myself between chairs, canes, and big mounds of white hair. I walk through the enormous lobby and pass old men playing cards at the table. I'm in the laundry room and a middle-aged lady in what looks like a nurse's uniform wheels in George Burn's grandfather. He watches her as she shuffles his clothes from washer to dryer.

The only time I see anyone under eighty its in the building's gym. Not that I am complaining. I'm around teens all day, peers and colleagues much of the rest of the time and I've always hated how seniors are somehow cordoned off from the rest of society at large as if they are useless. Last night I met an 86 year old lady at the party who just sold her house after her husband died and moved to Portland after living in Seaside her entire life. This is the first time since she was born she hasn't been able to take a short walk down to the ocean and I loved listening to her describe how she is learning to love her new home, use the MAX, make new friends.

And I just love my new place. I still can't put up photos yet because I don't have a camera anymore! I love the peach and cranberry red walls, my amazing view out my big living room windows that overlook the forested Southwest Hills of Washington Park. I never ever close my windows, even if it means an unexpected sighting of my tush causes heart failure in one of my new neighbors whom happens to be looking out the window. The building backs up a block from the park's entrance, and this is no ordinary park! Founded in the late 1800s, it goes on for miles including tens of trails through forests, the Oregon Zoo, an arboretum, the most recognized Japanese Garden in the country, the oldest and second largest rose garden in the US, a forestry center, children's museum, and even a choo choo train! My building is a huge twelve story building with twenty five units per floor and a big old grand lobby all decked out for the holidays. They also have a huge library of movies you can check out for free! This one little neighborhood patch feels like a perfect cross between a little of Europe and a little of San Fran. I don't get any tv reception so I am writing and reading much more. I do seem to bring the wacky with me whereever I go, however. I get shocked about 5-10 times a day in my apartment and I can't figure out why! I asked the management and various other tenants if they too get shocked all the time, but all I get are furrowed brows and that look that suggests they are thinking, "Careful! We have a new nut in the building!" I had a two or three day hiatus from these freaky shocks and just when I was starting to feel relaxed again, "ZAP!

Update- 12/15-I see in my comments section that my apartment shock apparently has access to a computer and has posted me a comment in response to this post! Further developments to follow...

Tagged by Monica (One Hand Typing!)

This tag is a tad late-sorry Monica!!!

1. Yourself: imagining
2. Your partner: none at the present moment other than my favorite favorite writing chair
3. Your hair: straight and brown with blonde highlights
4. Your mother: deliciously juicy and squeezable
5. Your father: brave and devoted
6. Your favorite item: my writing chair
7. Your dream last night: can't remember except that there was a baguette in it and a steering wheel
8. Your favorite drink: frappachino (maple)
9. Your dream car: don't have one
10. The room you are in: my new living room
11. Your ex: cherished, loving
12. Your fear: never getting remarried to someone I deeply love
13. What you want to be in 10 years: alive and thriving
14. Who you hung out with last night: my chair and the book, Juniper
15. What you're not: patient
16. Muffins: maple
17: One of your wish list items: round trip ticket to Dubrovnik, Croatia
18: Time: just enough if I use it rightly
19. The last thing you did: read Juniper in bed
20. What you are wearing: red fleece PJ bottoms with snowmen
21. Your favorite weather: 67 degrees and cloudy
22. Your favorite book: most recent fave is The Carpet Makers
23. The last thing you ate: a big juicy Fuji apple that was extremely delicious
24. Your life: puzzling and blessed
25. Your mood: excited to be imagining and writing again on a personal project after a too long hiatus
26. Your best friend: amazing, extraordinarily wonderful
27. What you're thinking about right now: worrying about someone I love and why I am still not downstairs in the gym
28. Your car: no thoughts, maybe gratitude it always gets me where I need to be
29. What you are doing at the moment: growing impatient!
30. Your summer: cherries, watermelon, mmm....
31. Your relationship status: clear, wide open skies
32. What is on your TV: nothing
33. What is the weather like: raining (yay!)
34. When was the last time you laughed: within the hour